What does depression mean?

If I stop writing the depression comes back. If I start reading it the depression comes back. If I take a break from my work the work never gets done. If I take a break I take another. If I am creative that's enough for one day. If I end the poem here I'm satisfied. If I keep writing I'm scared it won't be good. If I write something good I think it could have been better. If I am satisfied I am dead inside. If I am dissatisfied the depression comes back. If I can't decide what to do the depression comes back. If I find something to do the depression comes later. If I can stop talking about myself I must have something important to tell other people. If I can talk to other people as if they were not there they would like me better. If I notice people their nerves become disfunctioned. If I am unpredictable they nod and smile. If I am predictable there's now something to talk about. If I am predictable I hate myself but they love me. If I am unpredictable they predict me as mad or bored. I am mad. I am bored. If I am bored that is depression. If I am mad I am angry above all that depression. If I overreact to being dissatisfied they won't allow my depression. If I am in the money they won't allow my depression. If I am out of money they expect my depression. If I am depressed then I will keep walking on with the world. If I am happy I am a pioneer. If I scare the world with my courage they will step out of my way. If I move forward in life I am happy. If I move forward East I am happy. If I stay West I am depressed. If I rhyme I am happy. If I arrive on time they are so very pleased. If I am late being late was worth being happy elsewhere. Why did my dad tell me to be quiet everywhere we went? Why didn't Mom talk with me more? Why was I alone? Why did I get stoned. Why carry a phone. Why anybody pretend to be not alone? Why are the easiest people to talk to alone too? Why reach out to the beautiful ones who already have someone to say they are beautiful to their face? Why bother with me and you and them and her and what are we looking for in another human being?